Asgard's Next Top Model
by SwagolasThranduilion
Summary: The princes have been watching a certain Midgardian television show...crackfic. T for slight language.


**So yeah, this was inspired by **that **post on tumblr...pure crackfic.**

* * *

Asgard's Next Top Model

"Thor you fool! Can't you see that Dayna is clearly going to win? Look at that poise, those legs, those killer eyes!"

"Nonsense brother!" Thor retaliated, "It's obvious Michelle is going to win! Her outfit is more glamorous than that of the other female Midgardians!"

"It's not all about clothing, brother! Of course_ you_ would think it is considering you have all the grace and finesse of a bilgesnipe!"

"You take that back you leather-wrapped toad!"

"TOAD? I AM NOT A TOAD YOU LUMBERING BUFFOON! I COULD TURN YOU INTO ONE! Check yourself before you wreck yourself!"

"Oh you're a poet now, are you? Doth mother know you pursue a woman's activity?"

"It's a Midgardian phrase, you block-headed clout!"

"Cease insulting my intellect!"

"Then cease having _no _intellect!"

"HAMMER!"

Mjolnir crashed through the wall and into Thor's hand.

"I'll teach you to insult me, dear brother!"

The blond-haired god lunged forward to seize his younger brother my the throat, only to have him disappear at his touch.

"Ehehehehe!" came laughter from behind, before Thor was kicked in the backside and sent flailing to the floor. He began to yell.

"BROTHER I AM GOING TO-"

"THOR. LOKI."

The brothers looked around to see the stern face of their mother, Frigga, looming over them. Loki scooted backwards quickly.

"Mother I-"

"Hush Loki."

She stared hard at Thor.

"Just what do you think you're doing, young man?"

Thor looked up at her sheepishly.

"Uhhhh...lying on the floor..." he shifted to hide Mjolnir behind his back, "Not threatening Loki with my hammer..."

"I have told you time and time again, Thor Odinson, no Mjolnir inside the palace! Look at my wall Thor! You've made such a mess!"

"Sorry mother," Thor mumbled, "But Loki provok-"

"I don't want any excuses, young man! Clean this up right now and go to your room! Loki, would you be a good boy and fix that hole, please?"

Loki smiled to himself, having got away with his mischief once again.

"Of course mother, I'll begin right away."

* * *

"HA! HAHAHAHA! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU SO THOR!" Loki gloated, as the woman named Dayna was crowned America's Next Top Model.

"Yes very well done brother," Thor grumbled. Damn Loki.

"I still say Michelle should have won," he muttered.

"Oh I'm sorry brother, I didn't quite catch that," Loki said dryly, "What was that? 'You were right Loki, you always are'? Thank you brother! Oh goodness yes, I am always right, aren't I?"

"SHUT. UP. LOKI!" Thor boomed, exasperated.

"I shan't! Tell me I was right! TELL ME!"

"OH MY GOD WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP!?" Odin burst through the doors with a green face mask on and curlers in his hair, "DADDY'S TRYING TO SLEEP!"

The two boys looked up at their father. Loki clamped a hand over his own mouth, stifling the laughter threatening to burst forth from his lips. He threw his other hand over Thor's face, forcing his jaw to stay shut. Thor's face grew red as his brother forced his laughter back. Odin snorted at them and stalked out of the room, muttering about his "idiot sons".

The brother dissolved into laughter as soon as their father left.

"By the Norns, what was that on his face!?"

"Were those mother's hair curlers?"

Thor wiped a tear that rolled down his face, and shut off the television device.

"Hey Thor," Loki said, a mischievous grin creeping onto his face, "I reckon I could be a model."

He began strutting up and down the room, as if on what the mortals call a "catwalk". He paused with his back to his older brother, placing one hand on his hip, thrusting his backside out , and whipping his head around with his lips stuck out in a comical pouting expression. Thor laughed loudly, clapping his hands together.

"Hahahahhhhh but brother, surely I could be a model like those females also, could I not?"

Thor imitated Loki's every move, but opted to bend forward in a provocative pose and bite his lip.

"Brother...I have an idea...let us have a competition like the Midgardians!"

"Yes! We can invite all of our-" Thor paused abruptly, looking strangely at Loki, before continuing, "I mean, my friends!"

"What was that for?"

"What was what for?"

"You were speaking, stopped, looked at me funny, and then said something different, what the Helheim was that about?"

Thor sighed.

"Brother it's just...-well...you don't have any friends.."

Loki gasped and smacked Thor with a pillow.

"I will after I win!"

"Win what?"

"Asgard's Next Top Model you thick-skulled lout!"

"Have care how you speak of me brother, for it is I who will be the victor!"

* * *

The other contestants wept and wailed. It was down to two. Lady Sif had been the last one to go. The first was Volstagg. Only Thor and Loki remained. Judging was Fandral, Odin, and Hogun. Odin stood up. The final results were in.

"Thor Odinson. Loki Laufeyson-" Odin realised his mistake.

"What what!?" Loki stared at odin, his expression unreadable.

"I uh...I mean um...-Loki Odinson, sorry it was a slip of the tongue, all the L's you see...It has been a tough competition! And you have both worked very hard! Alas there can only be one winner, one holder of the chalice of champions...Asgard's Next Top Model is...ME!"

A gasp spread throughout the room. The brothers were horrified.

"What!?" Loki shrieked, "Father you did not compete! This is unfair!"

"Father Loki is right! You cannot be the winner!"

"ENOUGH! I am the Allfather and what I say goes! So, as your friend the Man of Iron would say, deal with it bitches!"

"But father!"

"Why would you even want to win!?"

"Boys really, if either of _you _won there would be NO end ro your childish bickering! Now hush!"

Thor and Loki were left standing there as the room emptied, both humiliated. Loki shot a sly look at Thor.

"I'm still better looking."

"Brother...I will argue with you no longer...you are indeed the most attractive being in all the Nine Realms."

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**Phew! That was intense! All hail Odin and his grand sparkly tiara!**

**Review please! c:**


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